Me: My husband was angry at his parents and couldn’t express it to them. I came into the relationship pretty naïve and believing in love. I believed that the woman gave all and if it didn’t work, it was her fault. My mother said so… It was my responsibility to make it work. All he had to do was sort of come home. If he was going off and getting drunk once-a-week, I was somehow to blame. I wasn’t enough in some way.
Daniel: Sounds like the mother thing, doesn’t it?
Me: When he came home falling-down-drunk, I cleaned up his vomit and got him to bed.
Daniel: And no one called him on his shit!
Me: He’d say “I had a goodtime and I’m going to do it again.” His response left me nowhere. I didn’t think I could leave because it was a value of mine to make this work. I didn’t have confidence that I could do it on my own as a single mom.
Daniel: You didn’t have the background. Didn’t have a model. A man has got to become conscionable. (with conscience) The woman isn’t aware that she is coming from the role of the mother. It’s her intrinsic nature and she’s comfortable in that role. The ungrown man, as most men are unconsciously, regard themselves as immature probably or young or sons. When they come into conflict, the man, on the emotional level, is dealing with quite a lot of immaturity. A lot of it is about men not being in touch with their feelings which is very opposite to the woman. Basically what you’ve got is a no-win situation. What you’ve got is a perpetual continuum.
Daniel: The mother-child continuum.
Me: That’s discouraging
Daniel: It’s very discouraging. You ask what can be done here? It’s very necessary for both the male and the female to be aware of their intrinsic selves.
Me: That’s apart from their gender self.
Daniel: The intrinsic self as an energy, the intrinsic self as what they are representing in terms of light energy in the world.
Me: When you say intrinsic self, are you saying the higher spiritual self or are you saying the feminine that wants to mother and has to mother?
Daniel: Yes, I’m saying, going along with what Vitvan says, the woman realizes that she is intrinsically a representation of the world mother and she gives substance and form to life including the guy that she’s with. Contrasting the intrinsic self with the role-player and we’re all playing roles. We don’t’ know our real selves. That’s where the conflict is within the self and between the two.
Daniel: What is the male function on its highest level? As opposed to I want you because your sexy, I want you to mother my kids and/or someone to take care of me.
Me: I want you to go to work everyday and bring home the money.
Daniel: The woman sees herself as an independent being…the man as the breadwinner and she doesn’t necessarily see herself as going out to work. She is able to pursue creative interests.
Me: The self-worth factor has to be there. The thing I had to learn when I was married and to consciously bring into my awareness was that I was deserving. I had to say this to myself daily. I am deserving! By virtue of being born, therefore I am deserving. Deserving to become who I am. Deserving to be a whole person. Deserving of love and respect and appreciation.
Daniel: Both retain their independence and growth. She’s not a slave. She has the time, space and money to pursue her self-development. If they decide to have children and she chooses to stay at home, that is supported.
Me: In a better world this is revered as a sacred task. Honored by herself and the patriarchal society. It’s not looked down upon as “I’m just a stay at home wife or just a mother or just an anything.”
Daniel: As the mother, they provide everything!
Me: That’s true, but the economics of this society doesn’t know that. I’ve heard that in some European country, Sweden? they pay the women to do the work of mother, home, creating that environment. it’s viable work. She receives an income. I don’t know what the amount is, but it’s somehow recognized. In this culture, it’s not valued or monetarily rewarded. In order to have an equality, a monetary or some sort of system that honors this worthy task has to be in place. Because we can all say that it’s a sacred task, but the reality is that if she becomes a single mom, then she’s out there trying to find and do a lot of jobs to make ends meet.