Pang: “A sudden sharp pain or emotion”
I was looking for a low rim dish to marinate the al dente asparagus. I looked through a storage bin in the garage and then remembered a shallow plate my mother had given me a long time ago. I knew where it was but had forgotten why I never used it.
I retrieved it from the top shelf in one of the kitchen cabinets. I rinsed it off and read the name of the porcelain producer on the back. Christineholm, it read. Then, there it was the pang! Urgh. A sort of a bittersweet feeling accompanied by a wave of thoughts. Did my mother buy this dish with me in mind? Did she save it for me all those years? Was she waiting for me to notice the name on the back of the quiche plate? To bake her a quiche in it perhaps?
I won’t ever know her thoughts. When she gave me the dish, we were barely connecting as Mother and Daughter. We weren’t exactly estranged…we just didn’t seem to be on the same wavelength. And, my father was the huge wedge in her relationship with any of her nine children.
As I lay the asparagus in the plate, poured the homemade marinade over the top, covered the dish with Glad wrap and put it in the refrigerator for later, the pang persisted. And a sort of lump in my throat.
How do you hold these sudden emotions? How do you respond to the questions that arise? How do you navigate this rocky terrain? How do you communicate with those who are gone? Does writing help?