Daniel and I met in my small living room from 2:00 to 3:00 p.m. on Thursdays for three months. I served tea and placed a recorder on the floor between us.
Daniel initiated the first conversation by asking me to state what I intended with these conversations. I said something to the effect that I hoped for a better understanding of how men and women relate. To notice the ways that we communicate with one another. To explore the similarities and the differences?
For our first conversation, Daniel came in with a prop. His spiritual teacher is a man named Vitvan (1883-1964). It appeared that he had the intention of instructing me in some of these spiritual teachings as pertains to the male/female relationship. And, who the woman is intrinsically, in her true nature. What he was about to share, he felt, was a vital premise, a basis for our discussion. Daniel had made photocopies of a few pages from Vitvan’s teachings. This particular teaching was about who a woman is from this spiritual perspective.
Daniel suggested that we could talk on a spiritual level or the human level of what happens between a man and a woman. In my mind, there isn’t a separation. The spiritual is human, the human is spiritual.
He read to me as I read along.
“On the higher mind level, where there is androgyny, there is no division between the genders. We are united. However, when we step down to the personal plane, there is a split in the androgyny. When the two try to unite on this plane, it is impossible.” However much we try, it’s never going to happen. “NEVER,” Daniel emphasizes. The reason is, according to Vitvan, a woman can only love as mother. The man’s ego might feel threatened if he were to realize this. The woman herself rarely has glimpses of this “fact“.
As Daniel finished reading the teachings, many of which were esoteric and beyond my understanding at the time, I pondered how that was relevant to my life. Where in my experience could I see the spiritual theory that a woman can only love as mother?”
I recalled when my first daughter was born. I felt the deepest love I’d ever experienced. It was not comparable to the love I had for my husband. It was impossible to describe to Daniel, although I tried.
Considering the three major relationships that I had with men, including my husband, their level of maturity dictated my behavior towards them. Two out of three men placed me in the mother role in relating to them. They were, as has been termed, “puer aeternus.” Also referred to as the Peter Pan Syndrome. “I won’t grow up, I’ll never grow up, not me!”
This brought up the question then,
“If women can only love as mother, are men unconsciously looking to a woman to mother them?”
What do you think? What is your experience as a man or a woman in this regards?