Can You Help Me To Understand?

So there it is. In this time when we experience heightened awareness of our patterns of communication, we come up against a belief system in someone else that is so contrary to how we see things. It is their “white to our black”–an opposition, and we can’t get past the distinct differences. There are many opportunities to explore this over the course of one’s life. We’ve seen it in our politics a lot lately. And, sometimes up close and personal, within our own families.

While there may be some situations where I am able to put myself in someone else’s shoes and get an understanding of how they might feel, there are some beliefs or perceptions that I really don’t get.

So what am I to do when the divide between me and someone else seems high and wide? I don’t know exactly where I heard this line: “Can you help me to understand?” The rest of the question might be “Can you help me to understand why you see it that way?” or “Can you help me to understand why you believe as you do?” or “What experiences in your life have lead you to this perception?”

These questions don’t feel confrontational to me. Any one of them would cause me to pause and consider the formation of my perceptions. If we’re both clear that the questions are an effort towards better understanding, that might help too.

When such a question is posed, there can be no attachment to trying to change the other person’s view. It is asked with an honest curiosity to get to know someone a little better, without judgment. That’s easier said than done. With someone else, can we deeply listen without confrontation or judgment? Can we decide that we don’t have to defend against the expression of someone else’s perceptions?

Yesterday a friend said something about her own thoughts that go astray…the ones that she disapproves of in herself. She is trying a new tactic–to witness without judgment and allow the thought to come in and go out. It seems that the better we get at doing this for ourselves, there is hope that we can then practice this with another. We cannot tell our mind “Don’t ever have that thought again!”, voicing our disapproval. Rather, we notice it and see it as a cloud passing through.

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Humanity, on the whole, is young. We are finding our way, discovering what it is to be an evolving human being. We have a diversity within this being human. That diversity offers us an opportunity to explore and learn about the many aspects of what this means. Reviewing human history, I witness a less-than-genteel, coming of age as we move past the survival mechanics to a more tolerant and inclusive view of life on earth. However, we teeter between our evolution and the survival instincts–i.e., antiquated war as a means to handle conflict! We don’t seem to be very far along.

When I wonder how are we ever going to have a meeting of the minds, let alone the hearts, the words active compassion surface as power words. Perhaps, in any efforts at communication, we need to bring this quality into the center of the circle engaging active compassion as the basis for any discussion where there is a great variance.

Today, this is only me thinking on paper. Please take from these mind meanderings what you want and leave the rest. And, I’d like to hear what you think in response. Truly.

poetry today

Sometimes the remedy is poetry

your written poem or the read poem

can supply the medicine for what ails you

Poetry won’t be contrived

it rises from a depth

of feeling–frustration, sorrow, happiness

sometimes ecstasy

In these times, The Greatest Generation, The Silent Generation,
Baby Boomers, Baby Bust, Xennials, Millennials,
Gen Z, Gen Alpha

stroll (mostly upright) side-by-side

on this rocking, rolling, heating up planet

Is poetry the antidote

for what ails you, society, the world

–the man-made manifestations

of a humanity

that struggles too much

Poetry,  like a cement

that fills a crack in the sidewalk

though more flexible

like putty perhaps,

it has the power to

shift a demeanor

Many think of poetry as lofty

beyond their ken

but poetry is gritty

a navigational tool

through life on earth

Poetry is a language

of the wayfaring soul

 

 

 

Opposite Perspectives and Communication

I have a long-standing question:  HOW DO I COMMUNICATE WITH THOSE WHO THINK AND BELIEVE THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF WHAT I THINK AND BELIEVE?

AND,

IS THERE A REASONABLE WAY TO BRIDGE SUCH A GAP?

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Is it best to skirt the topics that could engage us in conflict?

Asserting one’s truth in a way that “annihilates” the other person’s truth, making them 100% wrong isn’t a way to foster communication.

In this world of diversity, variety, multiplicity, it seems unreasonable to expect that there is a one-size-fits-all point of view.  Humanity is more of a bouquet with each distinct flower asserting its right to be!

So, in agreeing to disagree, is that a way to bridge the gap?  Or if the gap is too large and
spanning it doesn’t seem possible, what then?

My younger and older brothers along with my older sister hold passionate political beliefs that are far right of my own.  The odd thing is that the leadership that they support isn’t very different from the way our father ruled the household.  This is the very father they rebelled against.  I wonder why they don’t see what I see.  Loving them, do I hold them at arm’s length especially when they forcefully deliver their diatribe?

I came across this quote as I was rearranging some papers this morning:

We are all 
wanderers
on the
earth
our
hearts are
full of wonder
and our 
souls are
deep with
dreams.

Gypsy Proverb

 

I’m open to your thoughts on the matter.