Why Am I Here?

Every now and then, it’s a good idea to contemplate this existential question. Today, Thursday, October 29th, 2020 as I go about this day. I’ve decided to put that question at the forefront of my mind. I want to be with it as I weave in and out of the daily activities and encounters. It’s not as if I expect to find a final or definitive answer. It’s more like a present day review that addresses the question: Am I living what I value?

Waking up to a pristinely beautiful autumn day, I might answer “Perhaps I’m here to see and appreciate this inordinate beauty.”

As I sip my morning smoothie made with the abundant fruit harvest, “Maybe I’m here to express gratitude for such nourishing abundance.”

As I stand under a stream of hot running water, taking my morning shower, “More gratitude as I realize this is a privilege, not a right and that there are many others who don’t have running water, hot or cold.”

“Why am I here?” the question echoes and follows me around like a curious puppy discovering the world.

As I wield a paintbrush or write this blog, “Perhaps I’m here to be a creative channel.” And then,
to share my observations and art with others.

Then, as I go out into the world encountering others, it could be that I’m here to be the best version of myself. And to welcome the best version of you, the other.

As I strive to live my personal values, going out into the world, is what I stand in and up for recognizable to you? And do I meet you at that level, recognizing your uniqueness and what you stand in and up for?

Are we each here to welcome ourselves and one another into this grand, crazy, wild, chaotic, uninhibited expression of life!

I feel that one big reason I’m here (or that anyone is here) is to establish right reciprocal relationship with nature which includes us. Yesterday, in a telephone conversation with one of my brothers, he was feeling distress regarding the distancing between nature and people who live in big cities. He said that they have no sense of where their food comes from, how electricity is supplied, nor awareness of the interdependence and relationship between themselves and nature. The “city person” expects these essentials to be delivered to their doorstep. “They are spoiled,” he said. I have been a city person for most of my life. For the past twenty-two years, I’ve lived in the mountains. I do agree that there is a disconnect. And isn’t it then, up to each person to find that missing piece in their lives and reestablish right relationship?

In this time of Covid, there is a common theme of separation and isolation. It has been forced on us by the virus. Yet, if we could begin to re-establish connection to nature, maybe we’d feel less lonely. And, really, as I quest for an answer to why I’m here, I might remember that humans are social animals. And while there is a need for separation at this time, we are a chorus. We need each other. And it is through relationship that we remember why we’re here. For ourselves, for one another. There is a wholeness when you and I meet that can’t be fabricated in solitude. We are born alone and we exit in that way. However, while we’re here, we join our voices, fight for common causes based in our values and play outdoors in nature as often as possible.

For today, I’m going to keep it small…make the question a tiny one that sits there as I quietly observe myself and how I influence life and how life is influencing me.

There’s something else that is coming through powerfully as the day goes on. In this lifetime, I was born a woman. And with that comes a whole other question. I am a witness to how the world I’m born into disfavors women. How it disallows her innate rights of being. How it has enslaved or made women lesser than men in so many ways. Why am I here can be reframed into “Why am I here as a woman?” Is the world ready for women to be all that they can be, in their true power and dignity? I think that it’s about time. What do you think?


Note: I wrote this in October of last year…I decided that today is a good day to publish it as I reconsider my initial question Why am I here?”

The Suffragettes

Women’s right to vote in England and the USA was hard fought and “won” in the early 1900’s.  My mother was born in 1920, the year women won the vote in the USA.  The way that my mother lived her life, you would never have guessed that she was a “free woman”.

VOTE

As a young adult woman, my life was busy with family, husband, pets, house, job, volunteer time and the unexpected.  One such overwhelming day, I wasn’t sure if I was going to get around to voting.  My teenage daughter reminded me of the suffragettes and their long, arduous battle for women’s right to vote.  That was it.  I voted and never again considered if I had the time to exercise this right which is also a privilege.

****

I’ve been a “voiceless” woman and witnessed many others.  It was through journal writing that I expressed my inner private world.  And even there, I felt wrong for having thoughts that were considered “outside the box” of a woman’s entitlement.  The first time that I ventured out to read my poetry in public, I heard my own voice echoed by other women in this writer’s circle.  In our shared words, we reflected the restrictions and the timidity we felt in being a woman with a voice. Our true expression felt counter to either our familial, religious or societal upbringing. Writing poetry or prose that reflected our true thoughts and feelings was scary.  Sharing it publicly felt risky.  Yes, even living in America.

Writing Prompt:
For your journal:
As a woman, have you felt restricted or curtailed in your self-expression? Has this changed for you?  If so, how?

As a man, are there women in your life who seem to feel inhibited when it comes to self-expression (through writing or otherwise)?  Have you been an encouraging force in their lives?